LIFE THE UNIVERSE AND ME
QUINTUPLE PART
Welcome back , 1st=== VERY IMPORTANT =====
To find out how many are actually reading this story I put a deliberate mistake in part 4 . If you found it, send me a PM on facebook saying what it was .
And now ,on with the book .
And now ,on with the book .
Plymouth Hoe Theatre Xmas 1970 Terry Steel entered my professional life he'd been a saxophone player in the Ted Heath band and was now the musical director for a couple of the local amateur Operatic companies and still engaged in the music business, As I wrote at the end of part 4 he came into my dressing room and said I needed a manager , I did all my own contracts and was doing fine, why would I pay a percentage to a manager. ? I thought no more about it until I got home after the panto and there was a letter with a couple of contracts at more money than I was earning at the time , that got my interest so I did the work then went to meet up with Terry and his family in Leigh-on-Sea , I stayed a few days and we talked about what my ambitions were and where I saw my future, to be honest
that wasn't something I'd thought about, the round of summer seasons, Pantomimes with cabaret clubs in between was fine but Terry said that with a proper plan I could do better. He asked a few times what I wanted, all I really wanted was not to go back to Circus but being a bit cheeky I said I wanted to work in the West End and thought no more about it.After a few weeks and more meetings we got a company together and formed a show called 'Stardust' to work in Hotels, Dinner Dances, Function rooms etc, There was a couple of such troupes already working in London but we had a tour bus and pitched ours around the home counties. Our company consisted of a troupe of dancing girls, a girl singer, a live band and 3 or 4 acts that we could call on for different venues depending on the conditions , I was to compere the show and do my act, this was where the first shock came, Terry said I could have 10 minutes for the act,
My argument that I couldn't possibly do that because my act was 40 minutes and I couldn't cut it got the response that 10 minutes out of the 40 was good , 10 were average , 10 were self indulgent and another 10 was just padding. I had a small hysterical paddy but there was no alternative and I learned my lesson when on our second or third show I overran my 10 minutes and the band started playing the music for the following dance routine, cue another paddy from me during which I punched the dressing room wall, Terry's answer to that one was how are you going to play the trumpet with broken knuckles.?
The road show was succesfull and we were working regularly so I got a small flat in Southend a couple of miles away , the flat was in York Road which caused a few snickers , not the chocolate bar but the 'you've got a flat in the red-light district again' remember Moss side in part 3 ? No - your obviously not paying attention !
After a few weeks we were on our way to another show and Terry quietly said “ do 15 minutes tonight”, that threw me until I realised that he had taught me to discipline myself and be selective, basically 'Less is More', something that still rules me today.
Terry became a partner in the Vince Shaw Organisation an agency that represented among others Harry Corbett ( Sooty not Steptoe) Jessie Mathews and now me so the next couple of years were non-stop , Summer season in Teignmouth, back to the roadshow, I was also doing a lot of dates in London so I bought a caravan and stayed in Billericay on the Rosaire Circus family farm which made the journeys a lot shorter.
The road show was succesfull and we were working regularly so I got a small flat in Southend a couple of miles away , the flat was in York Road which caused a few snickers , not the chocolate bar but the 'you've got a flat in the red-light district again' remember Moss side in part 3 ? No - your obviously not paying attention !
After a few weeks we were on our way to another show and Terry quietly said “ do 15 minutes tonight”, that threw me until I realised that he had taught me to discipline myself and be selective, basically 'Less is More', something that still rules me today.
Terry became a partner in the Vince Shaw Organisation an agency that represented among others Harry Corbett ( Sooty not Steptoe) Jessie Mathews and now me so the next couple of years were non-stop , Summer season in Teignmouth, back to the roadshow, I was also doing a lot of dates in London so I bought a caravan and stayed in Billericay on the Rosaire Circus family farm which made the journeys a lot shorter.
In late '72 I'd just finished a summer tour with the Sooty Show finishing with a short run at the Mayfair Theatre in London was back doing the roadshow a couple of times a week, I then got a job compering at the Stars & Garters club in Leicester Square 4 nights a week starting around 10.30 till the early hours. If the roadshow was too far away we had a standby compere but I had my own car and normally I'd be back in time.
I was still parking the caravan at Billericay and during the days I spent time with the Rosaire family, Joan was a lifelong friend and a brilliant horse trainer who did a wonderful act with her Palomino 'Goldie', in late 72 they were appearing at the Victoria Palace theatre with Max Bygraves, Max would be onstage with Goldie and Joan was on the side of the stage giving the cues to the horse, At the same time she had 2 more horses in 'Gone with the Wind' at the Drury Lane Theatre (they were housed at Camden Stables, now Camden market) and another one 'Nellie' in the 'Robin Hood' Pantomime at the London Palladium,who was driven in and out by a Groom. For Joan it was a hectic schedule, she would drive to the Victoria Palace park her Horsebox get a taxi to the Camden stables take the other two horses to Drury lane harness them to a waggon which had to cross the stage during all the chaos and mayhem of the Burning of Atlanta scene during which Joan was hidden under the seat to drive the waggon, back to the stables with the horses, taxi to the VP for Goldies performance with Max then back home, all went well until the groom who was handling the Palladium horse 'Nellie ' remember Nellie? decided he was leaving, so he left -- the same day ! Joan was in a quandary, that's the same as a twodary except twice as bad , Ok it's a crap joke but this was starting to get a bit dull so I thought I'd brighten it up a bit, 'You want to brighten something up, put some flowers in this room ' which film was that from ? You see, from an autobiography to a quiz show ! What do you want for free ?
Back to the tale of Nellie and me , the story ended up with me driving a horse box to the London Palladium parking outside the stage door unloading and harnessing Nellie putting on a Lincoln Green 'Merry Men's' hoodie and walking Nellie onto the stage for Edward Woodward to get in the saddle and ride off , =have you ever realised that saying Edward Woodward quickly sounds like a fart in the bath = on other side of the stage I unharnessed Nellie put into the horse box drove to Billericay got in my car and went back to London.
The Stars &Garters was a brilliant place, it was next to the Odeon Leicester Square down a flight of stairs into what was a combination of an old time American speakeasy and an English pub, It had a small stage with a 3 piece combo – Piano, Bass & Drums, Lenny Felix, Jack Fallon and Lennie Hastings, three of the best musicians it's ever been my pleasure to work with, Occasionally the club would put on a 'Shop Window' this would be a night where a lot of agents would book acts in for other agents and managers to see , I was always compere because if there was a comedian working I didn't do my comedy stuff or if it was an impressionist I'd cut my impressions, I could and would work around what there was on the bill. One night we had an escapologist who had a new wrinkle on an old trick, He was handcuffed and chained to a target board , on the other side of the stage was a contraption with 3 crossbow arrows on the top facing the board, underneath was a digital timer set to 30 seconds, the countdown would start and he would extricate himself from the handcuffs and chains before the 30 seconds elapsed and the arrows were fired , well he was obviously nervous on his debut of the new trick and was out of the handcuffs in about 10 seconds and as he bent down to release the locks around his ankles the buzzer sounded and the arrows went off thudding into the board just above his waistline or where his waistline would have been had he not bent down .he got a huge round of applause as I back-announced him but I could see he was shaking as he returned to the dressing room, a couple of minutes later I got a call to go to see him and found him I a panic 'cos he was stuck into his costume , an all-in-one jump suit with a zip at the back which was jammed , 'escapologist' ?? I asked why the trick had gone wrong and he said that the timer on his prop was some sort of solenoid that set the arrows off with a shortwave signal but had probably been triggered early by a passing cabbie on the same wavelength ! And I thought comedy was hard !!!!.
As a sidebar to this story during this time Terry arranged for me to compere one of these shop window shows at the Astor Club, now the Astor had a regular advert in 'The Stage ' newspaper looking for acts for the club with the proviso 'Singers and Comedians need not apply' at the bottom of the ad , I compered the show which went on until about 2.00 am and the only act who was booked was me , a singer and comedian, Go figure !
Back to the tale of Nellie and me , the story ended up with me driving a horse box to the London Palladium parking outside the stage door unloading and harnessing Nellie putting on a Lincoln Green 'Merry Men's' hoodie and walking Nellie onto the stage for Edward Woodward to get in the saddle and ride off , =have you ever realised that saying Edward Woodward quickly sounds like a fart in the bath = on other side of the stage I unharnessed Nellie put into the horse box drove to Billericay got in my car and went back to London.
The Stars &Garters was a brilliant place, it was next to the Odeon Leicester Square down a flight of stairs into what was a combination of an old time American speakeasy and an English pub, It had a small stage with a 3 piece combo – Piano, Bass & Drums, Lenny Felix, Jack Fallon and Lennie Hastings, three of the best musicians it's ever been my pleasure to work with, Occasionally the club would put on a 'Shop Window' this would be a night where a lot of agents would book acts in for other agents and managers to see , I was always compere because if there was a comedian working I didn't do my comedy stuff or if it was an impressionist I'd cut my impressions, I could and would work around what there was on the bill. One night we had an escapologist who had a new wrinkle on an old trick, He was handcuffed and chained to a target board , on the other side of the stage was a contraption with 3 crossbow arrows on the top facing the board, underneath was a digital timer set to 30 seconds, the countdown would start and he would extricate himself from the handcuffs and chains before the 30 seconds elapsed and the arrows were fired , well he was obviously nervous on his debut of the new trick and was out of the handcuffs in about 10 seconds and as he bent down to release the locks around his ankles the buzzer sounded and the arrows went off thudding into the board just above his waistline or where his waistline would have been had he not bent down .he got a huge round of applause as I back-announced him but I could see he was shaking as he returned to the dressing room, a couple of minutes later I got a call to go to see him and found him I a panic 'cos he was stuck into his costume , an all-in-one jump suit with a zip at the back which was jammed , 'escapologist' ?? I asked why the trick had gone wrong and he said that the timer on his prop was some sort of solenoid that set the arrows off with a shortwave signal but had probably been triggered early by a passing cabbie on the same wavelength ! And I thought comedy was hard !!!!.
As a sidebar to this story during this time Terry arranged for me to compere one of these shop window shows at the Astor Club, now the Astor had a regular advert in 'The Stage ' newspaper looking for acts for the club with the proviso 'Singers and Comedians need not apply' at the bottom of the ad , I compered the show which went on until about 2.00 am and the only act who was booked was me , a singer and comedian, Go figure !
Back to the S&G
I had a friend, Harry Dickman who was the understudy to Anthony Newley at the Prince of Wales theatre, Newley was my hero I had the LP's of all of shows and all of his singles, of course I did an impression of him in my act doing 'pop goes the weasel' and 'What kind of fool am I', anyway one night I am starting the impression and I hear this laugh from the back of the room which I recognise and of course it's the man himself , Harry has brought him to see the show, needless to say the rest of the impression was a disaster, I did get to meet him afterwards and he was charming and complimentary and it was a nice memorable evening .
Early in '73 I was introduced to George Richardson who was the general manager for Paul Raymond productions, he'd been to see me a couple of times and they were interested in me for one of their shows , I could take my pick which one ,Oh Calcutta ' 'The Dirtiest Show In Town' or 'Pyjama Tops' I chose pyjama tops because it was the only one where I wouldn't have to take my clothes off ! Honestly that was the main reason , well apart from the fact that Pyjama tops was a very funny show that had been running for a few years and had featured some good comic actors during it's time , The first 'Leonard Jolly', the character they wanted me for, was Bob Grant from 'On the Buses' he was followed by Joe Baker
former partner in a double act with Jack Douglas , next was Roger Kitter who was a golfing buddy of mine and fourth it would be me.
Early in '73 I was introduced to George Richardson who was the general manager for Paul Raymond productions, he'd been to see me a couple of times and they were interested in me for one of their shows , I could take my pick which one ,Oh Calcutta ' 'The Dirtiest Show In Town' or 'Pyjama Tops' I chose pyjama tops because it was the only one where I wouldn't have to take my clothes off ! Honestly that was the main reason , well apart from the fact that Pyjama tops was a very funny show that had been running for a few years and had featured some good comic actors during it's time , The first 'Leonard Jolly', the character they wanted me for, was Bob Grant from 'On the Buses' he was followed by Joe Baker
former partner in a double act with Jack Douglas , next was Roger Kitter who was a golfing buddy of mine and fourth it would be me.
Two things persuaded me even more , I talked with the director Alexander Dore a well known comedy actor in his own right and he said that PJ was originally a french farce which had been very well translated to suit the english humour, secondly when Joe Baker came into the role he said that he wasn't an actor and asked could he have a bit more freedom to try his style of comedy which he did , Roger then took it even further in his own particular way so that when I got the script it was a few sheets of A4 paper with page one having the synopsis of the story , the next few pages were the order of the scenes with some lines highlighted , these were plot lines that I had to learn so that the play made sense other than that it was my show, there were two rules, Be funny and finish before 10.00 pm , they wanted to make sure the bar would still be open as the customers went out !
Alexander said not to see the show with Roger in it because we were very much alike and he didn't want me to be influenced in any way , yeah like that was gonna happen , I snuck into a matinee and watched from the back Roger was excellent but what I wanted to do was totally different.
During all this time Terry and I had negotiated with George Richardson and I didn't meet Paul Raymond until the party after my premiere , He was a shy man but we got on well, he started talking about his time in the variety theatres he said that he followed the advice of an old show producer who said the formula for a successful show was 'Pretty Girls and Funny Men' In case you're wondering NO , I wasn't the pretty girl.
After the premiere Alexander took me and Terry outside and pointed to the title display on the theatre , my name was there along with Fiona Richmond's 'Starring in Pyjama Tops ' He said at any one time there are only19 people who can say they have their name in lights outside a West End Theatre, only 12 have their name above the title and I was one of the twelve, I felt a tap on my shoulder ( my plumber has a weird sense of humour) it was Terry who said , not bad, only took us 3 years from Southend to the West End, that was the first time I remembered our conversation about what did I want to do.
Alexander said not to see the show with Roger in it because we were very much alike and he didn't want me to be influenced in any way , yeah like that was gonna happen , I snuck into a matinee and watched from the back Roger was excellent but what I wanted to do was totally different.
During all this time Terry and I had negotiated with George Richardson and I didn't meet Paul Raymond until the party after my premiere , He was a shy man but we got on well, he started talking about his time in the variety theatres he said that he followed the advice of an old show producer who said the formula for a successful show was 'Pretty Girls and Funny Men' In case you're wondering NO , I wasn't the pretty girl.
After the premiere Alexander took me and Terry outside and pointed to the title display on the theatre , my name was there along with Fiona Richmond's 'Starring in Pyjama Tops ' He said at any one time there are only19 people who can say they have their name in lights outside a West End Theatre, only 12 have their name above the title and I was one of the twelve, I felt a tap on my shoulder ( my plumber has a weird sense of humour) it was Terry who said , not bad, only took us 3 years from Southend to the West End, that was the first time I remembered our conversation about what did I want to do.
Fiona Richmond was the star of the show and because she was a star she didn't turn up for rehearsals so I worked with her understudy, this was a pattern that continued during my run in the show, Fiona did the premier with me and a couple of shows after that and then went on holiday with Paul, on the second day of her absence ,halfway through the first act I stopped the show and said “Knock Knock “– Tony Bateman my wonderful straight man and feed replied “who's there” “Fiona “ Fiona who” ? “ only been gone for a day and you've already forgotten me ” That got me my first 'Yellow Peril' a rebuke from head office .'Do not mention Fiona Richmond in any derogatory fashion during the show'
I probably worked more with the understudy than Fiona during my run in the show which was good because she was a good actress and easier to work with.
The show started in 1969 and was a 'saucy romp ' but was never obscene, I have never done 'blue' comedy and the show didn't need it , It was a typical farce involving a businessman, his wife, his girlfriend, a maid ,a shady butler, the police and the wifes gay friend ! One third of the stage was a swimming pool and occasionally during the play a couple of girls got into the pool , naked of course ! I played the gay friend Leonard Jolly who for the first two acts is camp and outrageous but in the interval between the second and third act he is 'visited' by one of the women in the house and comes out in the third act all Macho , Butch and Tarzan-like setting the third act denouement - which of the ladies has caused the turnaround ? The Whitehall theatre seated about 450 and we were always full so at on evening show to see a couple of empty seats on the front row was a surprise, we were into the second act and Tony and I were sitting on the edge of the pool moving the plot along when we heard the doors at the rear of the stalls open, down the aisle came an usherette with a young couple trying not to be conspicuous, I started to speak more slowly and quietly , Tony followed until we were both silent , I looked up to the spotlight and nodded towards the pair still trying to get to their place unnoticed, the spot guy got it straight away and put a light on them but because it was behind them they didn't notice, edging their way along the front row they were suddenly aware of the silence and the atmosphere and realised that they were the centre of attention, I got down off the edge of the pool and started talking to them doing the normal gags , “did car break down” -”did you bring a note “ just conversational, trying to put them at ease, when they sat down I asked how much they'd paid for the seats , front row at the whitehall wasn't cheap and for a few moments we chatted like that till I had an idea , I said to the audience , it's not fair that they've paid the same money as everyone else but have missed half the show, If none of you mind could we start from the beginning again, the audience cheered and clapped and on the side of the stage I saw blind panic from the stage manager and all the staff, shaking their heads , and fists, at me, I knew it was impossible but it got a hell of a reaction from the punters so I calmed them down and said no we can't do that but I have an idea , I then went through the show from the start, at speed, picking up all the feed lines and major punch lines with each one getting bigger laughs than originally until I said “ and then you two silly tarts walked in and screwed it up “ well the laugh went on for quite while, eventually Tony and I got back to the script finished the second act and then the show. Next day I got a 'yellow peril' not a complaint but a request from head office , if we kept two seats empty and employed a couple of stooges could you do that every show?
I probably worked more with the understudy than Fiona during my run in the show which was good because she was a good actress and easier to work with.
The show started in 1969 and was a 'saucy romp ' but was never obscene, I have never done 'blue' comedy and the show didn't need it , It was a typical farce involving a businessman, his wife, his girlfriend, a maid ,a shady butler, the police and the wifes gay friend ! One third of the stage was a swimming pool and occasionally during the play a couple of girls got into the pool , naked of course ! I played the gay friend Leonard Jolly who for the first two acts is camp and outrageous but in the interval between the second and third act he is 'visited' by one of the women in the house and comes out in the third act all Macho , Butch and Tarzan-like setting the third act denouement - which of the ladies has caused the turnaround ? The Whitehall theatre seated about 450 and we were always full so at on evening show to see a couple of empty seats on the front row was a surprise, we were into the second act and Tony and I were sitting on the edge of the pool moving the plot along when we heard the doors at the rear of the stalls open, down the aisle came an usherette with a young couple trying not to be conspicuous, I started to speak more slowly and quietly , Tony followed until we were both silent , I looked up to the spotlight and nodded towards the pair still trying to get to their place unnoticed, the spot guy got it straight away and put a light on them but because it was behind them they didn't notice, edging their way along the front row they were suddenly aware of the silence and the atmosphere and realised that they were the centre of attention, I got down off the edge of the pool and started talking to them doing the normal gags , “did car break down” -”did you bring a note “ just conversational, trying to put them at ease, when they sat down I asked how much they'd paid for the seats , front row at the whitehall wasn't cheap and for a few moments we chatted like that till I had an idea , I said to the audience , it's not fair that they've paid the same money as everyone else but have missed half the show, If none of you mind could we start from the beginning again, the audience cheered and clapped and on the side of the stage I saw blind panic from the stage manager and all the staff, shaking their heads , and fists, at me, I knew it was impossible but it got a hell of a reaction from the punters so I calmed them down and said no we can't do that but I have an idea , I then went through the show from the start, at speed, picking up all the feed lines and major punch lines with each one getting bigger laughs than originally until I said “ and then you two silly tarts walked in and screwed it up “ well the laugh went on for quite while, eventually Tony and I got back to the script finished the second act and then the show. Next day I got a 'yellow peril' not a complaint but a request from head office , if we kept two seats empty and employed a couple of stooges could you do that every show?
comedy is a serious business !
I'll finish part 5 here and be back with part 6 ( thats where the Circus comes back into my life ) soon .
I'll finish part 5 here and be back with part 6 ( thats where the Circus comes back into my life ) soon .
1 comment:
Hey, Mister! Mister!
I know what the mistake was in part 4!
Is there a prize??
;-)
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